Last week, I finally got a date for my cystectomy and possible oophorectomy (cyst and possible ovary removal). After learning that the mass on my ovary most likely isn’t cancerous I was riding a big wave of being relieved. Unfortunately, like all good waves, it eventually crashed.
Between getting my diagnosis and having been scheduled for surgery, the whole idea of having the cyst and possibly an ovary removed was more theoretical than real. Now that I have a date, though, it’s finally REAL and I’m sort of freaking out and have fallen into a pit of depression. Don’t get me wrong, I know the surgery has to happen, and more importantly, I WANT it to happen, but I’m scared. I’ve never been hospitalized, let alone had surgery. I’ve been reading about the surgery online, and while I appreciate knowing more about the procedure and having more information, reading about other people’s experiences has only made me more anxious. Gah! Along with all the scared and depressed feelings, I’ve also been kind of angry that all of this is happening. I finally had a plan and was working toward getting my health and fitness to where I want to be, and this stupid mass has put a huge obstacle in my way.
Well, today I woke up, and FINALLY felt tired of being depressed, anxious, scared, and angry. I guess I just had to live with all of those emotions for a while, but, I’m finally ready to focus on other things. The surgery to remove what my husband has affectionally named Danny the Dermoid, is a little over 4 weeks away, and there is still a lot I want to do before I go under the knife. Although the surgery is pretty minor and routine, as with any surgery, there’s always the chance that something could go wrong. If that were to happen, I definitely don’t want to regret wallowing in self pity for the last few weeks. Instead, I want to embrace all of the things that I love in this life!
Today, for the first time in a loooooong time, I hopped on my bike and partially bike-commuted to work. I plan to do more of that over the next month. I’ve also set my sights on doing two 5k races next month – the Bidwell Classic and the St. Paddy’s Day 5k.
Other awesome things coming up:
- I get to spend the upcoming weekend with my little brother, whom I don’t see as often as I would like because we live on opposite coasts. Not sure what we’ll be doing, but since we are both very fond of delicious beer, we plan to do the tour at Sierra Nevada Brewery. I’ve done it a bunch of times before, but I always love it, and of course, you can’t go wrong with free beer!
- Brunch date with my two BFFs in a couple of weeks.
- More bike rides! Especially excited to go out with a local woman’s bike group.
- Spa day – decided I’m going to treat myself to a day of relaxation and pampering.
- Dates with the husband – ok, not really out of the ordinary, but spending time with him is my favorite thing in the world.
So, what keeps you motivated when big obstacles get in the way of your life? Anyone running any races in the next month?